Deep Thoughts....

Life has a way of catching you off guard with challenges and the question of why.

I have many friends at work, but who would have thought that one of my best friends at work would be in her early sixties. Her name is Terry. She adores her three grand kids. She is an RN and has had a lot of experience in the medical field. She is very knowledgeable in the field of nursing and has so much wisdom to share about life. We go to lunch often together. Many times she refuses to let me pay for myself. She is so giving. She supplies a candy bowl at work that supports 80 people. She always makes sure to have plenty of yummy chocolates (butterfingers, kit kats, snickers, M&M's..etc) on Friday's because she understands it's usually a rough day for everyone. She is so giving, so caring, and always lends a listening ear. I always tell her that she is my grandma/mom/friend here in California. She watches over everyone at my work and she shows how much she cares about me. She is a such a good friend!! Terry was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2012. It broke my heart when I found out, but I honestly didn't know what this all entailed considering I had never had any one close to me have to go through chemotherapy. She went through chemo from November through February. She was sometimes at work, sometimes not. She felt pretty good sometimes and other times not so great. From the CT scan they felt the cancer was localized in the bladder only, but did chemo just be to sure it didn't go anywhere else. I sat with her during one of her chemo treatments and we chatted. We mostly talked about what was going on in our lives and at work. She never wants people to feel bad for her. She lost her hair and currently wears a wig, but she jokes about it and makes light of her situation. She is a strong women, who takes on this cancer with an optimistic outlook and is brave through it all. She makes you believe that it hardly phases her, but I know that deep down she was worrying about it. She is not free of cancer yet. She will soon have her bladder removed in hopes that this will rid her body of cancer completely. With her situation, I sometimes wonder why??? Why do these kind of things happen to such kind people??


Terry and I....this was when I visited her to deliver a basket full of love from the people at my work.

Little did I know that this experience of cancer would come to one of my close close loved ones in my family so soon. I won't go into all the details because I'm not sure I should be the one to share.  But, my world was turned upside down when I called my mom asking what was wrong with Kathy. Never would I have guessed that I would be told through the telephone that she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. At the time, I didn't even know the details or what that all meant. All I knew is that someone I consider my second mom had cancer and stage 4. I was torn to the core. I just fell apart. My boss asked if I needed to go home, but I didn't want to be at home, left alone to soak it all in. I tried to pull it together for 3 hours to finish up my work day.
Kathy is my second mother. I lived next to her for the first 4 years of life and basically we were at her house or she was at our house all growing up. We have always done many things with the Wilson's. We have gone camping together on a yearly basis. We spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day always celebrating together. She was ALWAYS doing scrap booking with my mom. My mom and her do almost everything together, thus growing up I was around her all the time. She loves me like I was her own daughter and I love her like I love my mother. She has the most bubbly and funny personality. She always makes everyone laugh. I look up to her. I admire her.
The question of why? has been constantly running through my head. I feel bad I can't be there in Utah. I just want to give her a big hug, and I look forward to that when we visit our families in May. I try not to think about the reality of the situation. I try to keep a positive and optimistic outlook, but sometimes it is really hard. I try not to stress because I now I have my baby to protect, but it is very difficult at times. Sometimes I just break down. The friends I have shared this with in California aren't able to grasp how much this affects me. I think for some people an aunt is someone they see at a few family gatherings, maybe weddings, or family reunions, but Kathy to me is much more than that. She is a big part of my life. I share this because I can't hold it in. I need to express my feelings. It is uncertain what the future holds, as I guess is always the case, but I pray for Kathy, her family, and loved ones. These experiences help me to remember to enjoy every moment of life and always show love to those you care about. I am very grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the strength the gospel bring me.

Ellen and Kathy-Both wonderful aunts to me